There have been many surprises in my new job working in an Outreach School. As a quick explanation, Outreach Schools were brought into the province of Alberta in order to provide a way for students who have not been successful in traditional, classroom based schools, an opportunity to complete their high school graduation requirements. There are many reasons why a student would choose to enroll in my school. Any time a new student sits down for his first day of work it never takes long for some one to ask, “Why are you here?”

Interestingly, no one has asked me that question yet. (But that is another discussion.)

Most of the students have had very limited academic success. At my school they find hope as they work through their courses and realize that they are capable. Despite this success during the year, I fully expected the students to suffer high anxiety at test time. Yesterday, at the first diploma exam of the year, the anxiety was high but it was of a very different sort.

It wasn’t the anxiety of understanding the questions. The students formulated and planned their essays. They didn’t draw blanks. The anxiety for most of these students came from having to sit through a two – three hour exam.

“Derek, you need to take up smoking to understand,” one student begged. Their only real question was how were they to be expected to be expected to write an exam without a smoke break.

The students were correct, I don’t understand what it’s like to face an addiction as strong as cigarettes or nicotine. I don’t find myself planning my day’s activities around a habit that absolutely must be carried out. While I do stop at Tim Horton’s when I have the chance, I’ve driven by many even though a coffee would make things just a bit better.

And, so I am beginning to realize the struggles many of my students face. I want them to take school seriously, to come on time, make their time commitments, and do their work. I want them to learn. It’s not that they don’t want to learn but many of them have other things that are simply just more important. I am also seeing that addiction is just one barrier. In that exam room there were students who could do without the smoke break but couldn’t focus long enough because their mental health issues were not being looked after or that they refused to take their medication. Another student may be more worried about what happens after school at home. If he decided to go home. These all have the same purpose. They keep a person from moving the South in the learning cycle. The intention, the motivation, the interest of the Southeast may be present.

So, my colleagues and I keep trying to find ways to help them be successful. A glass of juice may help during an exam. Perhaps to our box of pencils, erasers, and calculators we need to add nicotine patches.

Advance and retreat is a common training tactic. I’ve used it very successfully with my horse. In fact, with Chiquita, when she doesn’t feel like being engaged, I force the issue a little bit. I increase the pressure on her by walking aggressively. I aim my gaze directly at her and point my body to her hind quarters. “If you want to walk away from me, I’ll make you run.” The strange thing is that when I take the pressure off by turning away and dropping my posture, she’ll turn and begin to walk toward me. She may not respond quickly but after a few tries she usually wants to follow me around.

I have found myself thinking about advance and retreat as a form of counseling, as a tool that can be used to engage a reluctant client. The other day a student didn’t want to be in school. Of course, being a nosy vice-principal, I confronted her. It didn’t take many direct questions to bring the emotions out. Now, I wasn’t thinking advance and retreat at that moment but all the elements were there. I was trying to create a reaction and not simply respond to her desire to walk away. Just when the emotions were at the highest, I noticed I had begun to step back away from her. My voice took softer tones. Near the end of the interaction I had my side to her and I repeated several times the invitation to return to school. That day her emotional state and the problems she perceived were too strong and she walked away.

That student still comes to school. Perhaps the invitation was enough. I’ll have to wait and see how the relationship unfolds. And another young lady comes to mind. She didn’t take school seriously. Friends, parties, and even drugs were just too much fun and school was just a barrier. The teaching staff and I tried several interventions. Her parents tried to change her behavior. We resorted to contracts for her classes. She broke many of them. But she maintained enough to fulfill high school requirements and she celebrated graduation. It had been two years but that young lady came back to school. “Guess what I’ve gotten into?” she asked me. I smiled and said, “Trouble?” She laughed, her eyes bright. “I’m going to nursing school this fall!” I was so proud and happy for her. Advance and retreat worked with her. We had kept the pressure high but eventually we all had to let her go. She came back with great news.

I tried my first experiment at stalking people. West Edmonton Mall seemed a great place to try it. I began by just trying to follow the person in frog of me and staying in his “blind spot”. Close behind the person seems best. But some had a sense that I was there. I must have been too loud or obvious.

April 13, 2009 by Josh McConnell

Certainly, people walking a mall would have a “stranger radar” on. I definitely need to work on being invisible. I could stay further back. It did work if the person was not a head swivler. Even if they liked to window shop I could stay unseen by being slightly off to the side away from the windows. Others were like deer and constantlyobed their gaze around. I couldn’t follow them long.

I was surprised when I realized I was being followed and didn’t know it. This happened when I peeked in an angle window or the person suddenly ducked into a store. I caught myself wondering how they materialized. nnSo, I definitely need more practice with “owl eyes”, “deer ears” and stealth. But it was a fun start.

I just finished reading The Tracker by Tom Brown Jr. The man and the stories have come to me over six years of taking high school students on weekend retreats. Curiosity finally caught up with me and I found that I had to buy some of the books through Amazon.

I was, and still am, not in the slight bit disappointed. I understand there may be some controversy about Tom Brown and his abilities. I’m not sure such tracking abilities are even possible. But that is not the point of the book. The story is a spiritual journey. It contains small lessons about nature, animals, and humans. I identified with each situation. Not in the sense that I spend hours camouflaged trying to track a deer, but in the sense that I am trying to find the deeper truth that is all around us. I truly believe that at some level we are all looking for that thread of life that connects our soul to the world.

I have little interest in tracking animals. But I very earnestly want to be a “tracker” of people. I’m a people watcher. I want to know what makes different people tick. I wonder how we all end up on the path we are on. This is certainly why I am a counselor and why I like working with young people. Throughout this book I was trying to think of what skills I need to practice. How can I become “invisible” and use it to mentor some one in solving his problems? What do I need to learn to observe and track?

It is a book that won’t remain on my bookshelf long. I will be lending it out. I’m sure I’ll reread it again. Especially the last story. Pick it up for that story alone.

I had a conversation with the student today. I explained why I was disappointed with his attendance and work ethic. He nodded and said that he wasn’t feeling well and had to go home. I knew how the rest of the conversation would go. So, I fell into my routine and carried on and got the same response that usually comes up in this type of discussion.

In situations like this the common elements are:

• The student has a really good reason (even a likely one) for his behavior on one instance. But when questioned about a pattern that is repeating he denies it. This denial can be some subtypes:
  • he doesn’t recall the previous incident making it sound like I’m making things up
  • he keeps going back to statements such as “I told I was sick yesterday” and only refers to the most recent incident
• The student agrees that things are going great but is dealing with things that are beyond his control. It really isn’t his fault he is late because his friend didn’t pick him up, or his dad didn’t wake him up, or some other external reason.
• The student doesn’t understand why I’m talking to him. There are other students who do worse things.
• The student gives in a bit and says, “Yes. I want things to be better. I’ll try.”

And, unfortunately, I’ve heard that many times before, “I’ll try.” There is no change. There is no difference in action. At the next stressor, the student avoids class, homework and even me.

I tend to think that this student is stuck somewhere in the northeast. They are not ready to learn. They give impressions of wanting to change but don’t see any reason to really change. Or they are caught up in the east. ”I’ll try” is a way of asking, “I don’t know what to do next?”

A key point is that they are externalizing everything. They don’t see a personal component. This must be an edge that they have to be pushed toward. I don’t think I’m sure how to get them to see that and move toward it. 

What surprises me is that despite all the problem these students face, I am beginning to believe that they are comfortable in the pain and misery. Coyote sneaks in and whispers something in their ear, “It’s all you can expect. It’s good enough. Change is just more pain on top of what you have already. Don’t make it worse.”

My coyote tries to tell me, “It’s up to them to respond to your invitation. There’s nothing more you can do.”

So, how do I use my coyote skills to benefit me and them? How do I go about working in the Northeast with them?