Advance and retreat is a common training tactic. I’ve used it very successfully with my horse. In fact, with Chiquita, when she doesn’t feel like being engaged, I force the issue a little bit. I increase the pressure on her by walking aggressively. I aim my gaze directly at her and point my body to her hind quarters. “If you want to walk away from me, I’ll make you run.” The strange thing is that when I take the pressure off by turning away and dropping my posture, she’ll turn and begin to walk toward me. She may not respond quickly but after a few tries she usually wants to follow me around.
I have found myself thinking about advance and retreat as a form of counseling, as a tool that can be used to engage a reluctant client. The other day a student didn’t want to be in school. Of course, being a nosy vice-principal, I confronted her. It didn’t take many direct questions to bring the emotions out. Now, I wasn’t thinking advance and retreat at that moment but all the elements were there. I was trying to create a reaction and not simply respond to her desire to walk away. Just when the emotions were at the highest, I noticed I had begun to step back away from her. My voice took softer tones. Near the end of the interaction I had my side to her and I repeated several times the invitation to return to school. That day her emotional state and the problems she perceived were too strong and she walked away.
That student still comes to school. Perhaps the invitation was enough. I’ll have to wait and see how the relationship unfolds. And another young lady comes to mind. She didn’t take school seriously. Friends, parties, and even drugs were just too much fun and school was just a barrier. The teaching staff and I tried several interventions. Her parents tried to change her behavior. We resorted to contracts for her classes. She broke many of them. But she maintained enough to fulfill high school requirements and she celebrated graduation. It had been two years but that young lady came back to school. “Guess what I’ve gotten into?” she asked me. I smiled and said, “Trouble?” She laughed, her eyes bright. “I’m going to nursing school this fall!” I was so proud and happy for her. Advance and retreat worked with her. We had kept the pressure high but eventually we all had to let her go. She came back with great news.
