I had a conversation with the student today. I explained why I was disappointed with his attendance and work ethic. He nodded and said that he wasn’t feeling well and had to go home. I knew how the rest of the conversation would go. So, I fell into my routine and carried on and got the same response that usually comes up in this type of discussion.
In situations like this the common elements are:
- The student has a really good reason (even a likely one) for his behavior on one instance. But when questioned about a pattern that is repeating he denies it. This denial can be some subtypes:
- he doesn’t recall the previous incident making it sound like I’m making things up
- he keeps going back to statements such as “I told I was sick yesterday” and only refers to the most recent incident
- The student agrees that things are going great but is dealing with things that are beyond his control. It really isn’t his fault he is late because his friend didn’t pick him up, or his dad didn’t wake him up, or some other external reason.
- The student doesn’t understand why I’m talking to him. There are other students who do worse things.
- The student gives in a bit and says, “Yes. I want things to be better. I’ll try.”
And, unfortunately, I’ve heard that many times before, “I’ll try.” There is no change. There is no difference in action. At the next stressor, the student avoids class, homework and even me.
I tend to think that this student is stuck somewhere in the northeast. They are not ready to learn. They give impressions of wanting to change but don’t see any reason to really change. Or they are caught up in the east. ”I’ll try” is a way of asking, “I don’t know what to do next?”
A key point is that they are externalizing everything. They don’t see a personal component. This must be an edge that they have to be pushed toward. I don’t think I’m sure how to get them to see that and move toward it.
What surprises me is that despite all the problem these students face, I am beginning to believe that they are comfortable in the pain and misery. Coyote sneaks in and whispers something in their ear, “It’s all you can expect. It’s good enough. Change is just more pain on top of what you have already. Don’t make it worse.”
My coyote tries to tell me, “It’s up to them to respond to your invitation. There’s nothing more you can do.”
So, how do I use my coyote skills to benefit me and them? How do I go about working in the Northeast with them?
