It is said to be golden. I am beginning to understand why. Basic economics suggests that the scarcity of a commodity ensures that it will be valuable. Of course, there has to be a demand for the stuff. So it is a rare thing and people want it. At least, they say they want it. I’ve tried to find it at various times.
The strange thing about silence is that even when I try have the time, the place, and the desire to enjoy it, I somehow have a mechanism that works to avoid it.
There are those rare mornings, let’s say a Saturday morning, when I am the first one awake. Or I am the last one to rise and everyone else has left the kitchen to explore other things. I just sit and stare at a magazine or out the window and I don’t care that I haven’t noticed a single detail. The coffee maker gurgles a bit. I hear a bird outside. I can even hear my own breathing. It is such a zen moment. Then my body takes its own initiative and turns on the radio. A strong sense of guilt hits me. I just ruined a precious moment. It is worse when the moment of silence comes at the end of a long day. My first reaction, even as I am making myself comfortable on the couch, as I take the first big relaxing sigh of the evening, I lift the remote and start the TV.
Silence is not only hard to find, it is hard to accept. Noise is addictive. I’ve tried to create contemplative moments. When I’m driving I just have to be listening to something. I turn on the radio and before I know it I’m singing. (Only if I’m alone.) I’ve tried sitting on the deck with a book. That helps a bit. But, if I just try to sit and meditate, my mind makes its own noise. I ponder. I muse. I ramble. I once achieved the true state of silence but it lasted only about 7 minutes. And it took about two weeks of practice to get that far.
There is something fearful about silence. It forces us. I’m not sure exactly how but if I’m watching TV I don’t have to worry about anything. If I’m busy then I can avoid deep conclusions. Mother Theresa says that “we need silence to touch souls”. What am I afraid of touching?
