We have lots of coyotes around. Every other night I can here them calling and yipping. According to some of the neighbors, there is a group of dens in the hills and pastures between us and the highway two miles away. The coyotes will come up to our fence line. Theyre surely checking out the horses and perhaps hoping to catch one of the cats away from the shed. In fresh snow I like to follow the tracks they leave as they chase mice.

Yesterday on my drive into work a line coyote, a fairly large one, stood at the edge of the road and watched me pass by. In my rearview mirror I caught him crossing the highway.

Was this an omen? What meaning did this experience have? What message was God or the Creator trying to give me?

Of course, that coyote may have been out hunting and just needed to cross the road – a coincidence that I happened to pass by. But, with the pending visit of an Elder and a new determination to focus in on the school atmosphere it seemed muchore than a random event.

Am I to keep an eye out – watch all directions as I take these new challenges? perhaps it is simply a good omen to see Coyote at this time? This last one speaks most clearly me. It does feel like a time where Im looking for reassurance in my work.

What ever the reason, thanks for the visit, Coyote.

The main idea that attracted me to Coyote Mentoring is that teaching and counseling works best at the edge. A person grows when they are approached in his comfort zone and then pushed. It is a subtle and powerful thing that I’ve observed and experienced many times.

Unfortunately, I so often resort to a bad habit Ive picked up somewhere and made my own. It could go back to a teacher I admired at my first job. He was a master. It is a skill that permeates education too deeply. I is seen in professional sports and politics.

I lecture. I goad. I try to discuss. But is it really necessary?

A statement can take a person and push him to the edge and push that barrier just a bit. Isn’t that statement enough? It should be equally powerful to push the edge, to nudge it and see what the new awareness shows.

During a presentation at a recent Outreach Conference I heard Cameron Buchanan speak.

WorkingFrustration

He placed a diagram on the screen that gave me a way to picture this section of the learning cycle. What seems to happen is that after the intial initiative has moved the person to want to do something, the person tries to find a solution. Many young people move into the Southeast and encounter frustration.

This frustration then goes one of two ways. The first one is Change. The person seeks a new challenge. They move away. They want to do something different. They are not focusing on the task no matter how important it was at one time.

The second direction is Agression. The young person gets angry. This aggression takes many forms and includes passive – aggressive behavior.

Parents, teachers, and/or mentors  naturally try to put up Barriers when they see the young person in frustration. The person is not allowed to change simply on a whim. The young person must learn how to temper his emotions to avoid aggression. This can be done through awareness training. Teaching the young person to be aware of all emotions that are present, and not just the anger is very helpful. Some young people do nto move South because there is a barrier he has put in to avoid vulnerability and painful emotions. Finding that this barrier is where the value of pushing edges and encouraging feeling.

There have been many surprises in my new job working in an Outreach School. As a quick explanation, Outreach Schools were brought into the province of Alberta in order to provide a way for students who have not been successful in traditional, classroom based schools, an opportunity to complete their high school graduation requirements. There are many reasons why a student would choose to enroll in my school. Any time a new student sits down for his first day of work it never takes long for some one to ask, “Why are you here?”

Interestingly, no one has asked me that question yet. (But that is another discussion.)

Most of the students have had very limited academic success. At my school they find hope as they work through their courses and realize that they are capable. Despite this success during the year, I fully expected the students to suffer high anxiety at test time. Yesterday, at the first diploma exam of the year, the anxiety was high but it was of a very different sort.

It wasn’t the anxiety of understanding the questions. The students formulated and planned their essays. They didn’t draw blanks. The anxiety for most of these students came from having to sit through a two – three hour exam.

“Derek, you need to take up smoking to understand,” one student begged. Their only real question was how were they to be expected to be expected to write an exam without a smoke break.

The students were correct, I don’t understand what it’s like to face an addiction as strong as cigarettes or nicotine. I don’t find myself planning my day’s activities around a habit that absolutely must be carried out. While I do stop at Tim Horton’s when I have the chance, I’ve driven by many even though a coffee would make things just a bit better.

And, so I am beginning to realize the struggles many of my students face. I want them to take school seriously, to come on time, make their time commitments, and do their work. I want them to learn. It’s not that they don’t want to learn but many of them have other things that are simply just more important. I am also seeing that addiction is just one barrier. In that exam room there were students who could do without the smoke break but couldn’t focus long enough because their mental health issues were not being looked after or that they refused to take their medication. Another student may be more worried about what happens after school at home. If he decided to go home. These all have the same purpose. They keep a person from moving the South in the learning cycle. The intention, the motivation, the interest of the Southeast may be present.

So, my colleagues and I keep trying to find ways to help them be successful. A glass of juice may help during an exam. Perhaps to our box of pencils, erasers, and calculators we need to add nicotine patches.

Advance and retreat is a common training tactic. I’ve used it very successfully with my horse. In fact, with Chiquita, when she doesn’t feel like being engaged, I force the issue a little bit. I increase the pressure on her by walking aggressively. I aim my gaze directly at her and point my body to her hind quarters. “If you want to walk away from me, I’ll make you run.” The strange thing is that when I take the pressure off by turning away and dropping my posture, she’ll turn and begin to walk toward me. She may not respond quickly but after a few tries she usually wants to follow me around.

I have found myself thinking about advance and retreat as a form of counseling, as a tool that can be used to engage a reluctant client. The other day a student didn’t want to be in school. Of course, being a nosy vice-principal, I confronted her. It didn’t take many direct questions to bring the emotions out. Now, I wasn’t thinking advance and retreat at that moment but all the elements were there. I was trying to create a reaction and not simply respond to her desire to walk away. Just when the emotions were at the highest, I noticed I had begun to step back away from her. My voice took softer tones. Near the end of the interaction I had my side to her and I repeated several times the invitation to return to school. That day her emotional state and the problems she perceived were too strong and she walked away.

That student still comes to school. Perhaps the invitation was enough. I’ll have to wait and see how the relationship unfolds. And another young lady comes to mind. She didn’t take school seriously. Friends, parties, and even drugs were just too much fun and school was just a barrier. The teaching staff and I tried several interventions. Her parents tried to change her behavior. We resorted to contracts for her classes. She broke many of them. But she maintained enough to fulfill high school requirements and she celebrated graduation. It had been two years but that young lady came back to school. “Guess what I’ve gotten into?” she asked me. I smiled and said, “Trouble?” She laughed, her eyes bright. “I’m going to nursing school this fall!” I was so proud and happy for her. Advance and retreat worked with her. We had kept the pressure high but eventually we all had to let her go. She came back with great news.